Click to enlargeYOU WOULD IF YOU LOVED ME: MAKING DECISIONS ABOUT SEX

Using realistic scenarios and insightful narration, this program sorts out the confusion students have about sex and gives realistic reasons to say no, or wait. It examines the difference between love and sex, corrects sexual myths and misconceptions, shows how pressures influence responsible decision making and helps students develop their own ability to make decisions and set limits. It's an up-to-date presentation on the sexual issues facing today's teenagers. (60 min)


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Teacher's Guide

• Introduction

The subject of sex can be one of the most confusing and problematical elements of young people’s lives. While they are still learning about their own developing bodies and personalities, they are confronted with dire warning from parents and new media, pressures, and misinformation from their peers, and idealized romantic notions from entertainment media and advertising.

Somehow, a teenager must sort through this torrent of messages and balance it with his or her own very natural desires. He or she must make intelligent, rational decisions before risking emotional trauma, unwanted pregnancy, or disease.

This program will help young people make those decisions. It presents the subject of sex in a sympathetic but realistic manner. Throughout, the emphasis is on the need to make informed decisions according to what is right for each individual.

The program combines two components of the subject of sex: 1) the factual information regarding birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, and societal messages about sex; 2) the more abstract areas of romantic love, infatuation, and personal needs.

It is divided into four sections:

1. Love and Sex – a presentation of the differences between “young love,” or infatuation, as opposed to genuine loving relationships.

2. Myths and Misconceptions – dealing primarily with birth control and sexually transmitted diseases.

3. Pressures – a discussion of the conflicting messages from everything from parents to music videos.

4. Saying No – scenarios illustrating some good reasons to say no to sex and how to do so.

Program Objectives

This program is designed to:

• Prompt students to think seriously about sex: about the consequences of engaging in sexual activity; about where it may fit in their lives; about the decisions they’ll have to make.

• Let students know they are not alone in their questions, fears, and concerns about sex.

• Illustrate the difference between real love and infatuation.

• Correct some of the myths and misconceptions about sex.

• Make students aware of the pressures—both subtle and not so subtle—and cultural messages that everyone experience in this area.

• Prepare students to meet and successfully counter those pressures.

• Love and Sex

Summary of Content

With the aid of vignettes depicting the beginning, middle, and end of a teenage love affair, this section illustrates how premature sex can damage a relationship and how real love differs from infatuation. Among these vignettes are clips of interviews with teenagers talking about their own experiences and opinions.

Among the points that are addressed:

• What is “sexual attraction,” and what is its place in a love relationship?

• Does love take time to develop, or is there such a thing as love at first sight?

• How important is a romantic relationship in a person’s life, and is sex automatically a part of if?

• How important is it for couples to share interests, values, trust, and communication?

• How many teenagers engage in sexual activity? When is it okay for them to do so? What other forms of intimacy are there?

Questions for Discussion

1. What is love—romantic love, platonic love, parental, and familial love? What is the difference between romantic love and infatuation?

2. Can you have romantic love without sex?

3. How can you tell when you’re in love?

4. If a person does not want to have sex with someone, does that mean he or she doesn’t love the other person?

5. How important is it for a couple to share interests and activities?

6. How important is it for a couple to trust and communicate with each other?

• Myths and Misconceptions

Summary of Content

A high school class begins to view an old black and white sex education move. One by one, we hear the students’ inner thoughts expressing erroneous beliefs about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases. The film narrator “hears” these comments and breaks into their thoughts to set them straight on:

• Conception – it can happen at any time during a woman’s cycle, the first time a woman has sex, and through any sexual position.

• Birth control – it will not work after the fact: there is no substitute for the various items sold specifically as contraceptives; both partners are responsible for avoiding unwanted pregnancy.

• STDs – no one is immune: teenagers are particularly vulnerable; sexual contact is the only means of transmission; birth control does not provide protection; serious health problems can result.

• Other points – it is not necessary to have sex when very young in order to avoid frigidity; don’t be afraid of knowledge about sex.

Questions for Discussion

1. Is there any method of birth control that is effective after sexual intercourse? Why or why not?

2. Is there any time in a woman’s monthly cycle during which she cannot get pregnant?

3. Whose responsibility is it—the boy’s or the girl’s—to be sure to avoid unwanted pregnancy?

4. Are there any population groups that are immune to sexually transmitted diseases? In which group is the occurrence of STD’s growing the fastest?

5. Can you get an STD from a toilet seat or drinking fountain or any other public convenience? Why or why not?

6. Is there any method of birth control that’s effective protection against STD’s?

• Pressures

Summary of Content

A teenaged boy and girl serve as “anchorpersons” in a review of the numerous pressures and messages about sex in modern life. The emphasis is on sorting through it all to discard what is unimportant in decision-making about sex.

• TV, movies and books are for entertainment only and are not necessarily accurate reflections of day-to-day reality.

• Advertising presents idealized people and situations and makes promises of physical perfection only to sell things.

• Rock music, too, is entertainment; and music videos are just “commercials” for records, not role model presentations.

• News stories of AIDS and teen pregnancies are not “scare tactics” against sex, but should be viewed as sources of information for help in decision-making.

• Parents and other adults may not have all the answers or the right words, but they do have experience and teens’ best interests in mind.

• Peer pressure is the most powerful influence. While it’s good and natural to be part of a group, a person should not sacrifice his or her own individuality and values.

• Your own thoughts and feelings will provide the foundation for deciding what’s right for your life, but must be balanced with respect for other people.

Questions for Discussion

1. Do movies and TV accurately reflect the sexual activities of most real people?

2. Why do TV commercials and print ads present so many “beautiful” idealized people and situations?

3. Why do record companies make glamorous, sexy music videos?

4. Right, wrong, good or bad, what is the most powerful influence on each of us regarding our general lifestyle?

5. Who is responsible for determining what’s best for you and how to live your life?

• Saying No

Summary of Content

Four friends (two boys and two girls) discuss an unusual homework assignment: list 10 reasons to say no to sex. In conversations among themselves and with others, several points are illustrated:

• Premature sex can ruin a good relationship and impose pressures and distractions.

• “Everybody” doesn’t do it—only 50% of teenagers have sexual relations.

• Good reasons to say no are respect for parental wishes, religious convictions and another person’s desires.

• Sex is not shortcut to true intimacy.

• It’s possible to say no without hurting your partner’s feelings

• Someone applying pressure is just trying to use you and cares only for himself or herself.

Questions for Discussion

1. What is “having sex?” Is it just intercourse?

2. How could having sex hurt a relationship?

3. What percentages of teenagers engage in sexual activities?

4. Is having sex a valid way to prove you love someone?

5. Is having sex a guaranteed way to make a good relationship even better?

6. Is it possible to say no to having sex without hurting feelings of your boy/girlfriend?

Related Activities

1. Have students prepare lists:

• 10 reasons to say no to sex

• 10 commercials or print ads that use sex to sell

• potentially harmful consequences of having sex

• elements of a real love relationship

• elements of a relationship based on infatuation.

2. Have the class (or groups) prepare posters, print ads or video public service announcements on unwanted pregnancy or STD’s.

3. Have students prepare a list of sources for help and answers regarding sex in general, birth control and STD’s.

4. Role playing exercises:

• A boy pressuring a girl to have sex and the girl resisting. Then reverse the sex roles.

• One or a group of boys trying to convince another that having sex is the way to be “a real man.”

• Same as above, but with girls.

• A boy and/or girl telling a trusted friend why he or she regrets having had sexual activity.

• A boy and/or girl in monologue or talking with a friend and trying to decide if it’s love or infatuation in a relationship—and trying to decide whether or not to have sex.

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