 • Program Objectives This program is designed to: • Show how the development of assertiveness skills can benefit teen-agers in making good decisions and sticking to them; • Define assertiveness and teach its basic skills by examining how they work in common everyday situations; • Give students ready responses to use when pressured into going along with a bad idea; • Show students how to make decisions and carry them out without jeopardizing good friendships. • Introduction Like all people, teen-agers often allow themselves to be talked into doing things they do not want to do or know that they shouldn’t do, because they do not know how to say no. But because teenagers are under so much pressure to be accepted by their peers, the inability to say no can have devastating consequences. This four-part program illustrates many of the real-life situations in which teens find themselves. Situations ranging from conforming to a dress code, to cheating on a test, to shoplifting, to stealing a car, to trying marijuana. A Company of teen actors acts out the situations. The skills and rules of assertiveness are explained by an on-camera Narrator and three teen-aged companions, “Jessica,” “Danny” and “Billy.” How to Say No without Losing Your Friends shows students how they can effectively speak up for themselves; how they can withstand pressure from their peers; how they can get themselves out of uncomfortable and even dangerous situations while maintaining friendships. With this program they can acquire skill that will last them a lifetime. • Summary of Content Getting Started Jessica, a high school-aged girl, lets her friend Debbie talk her into borrowing then dollars even though Jessica was saving her money to buy a birthday present for her sister. “Why do I always let her do that to me?” Jessica asks herself. The scene switches to a comfortable living room setting where a Narrator asks, “Did you ever let someone do that to you?” Two teen-aged boys, Danny and Billy, join the Narrator and admit that they have both let people talk them into doing things that they shouldn’t do. Jessica joins the group as the Narrator tells them that he can teach them how to say no when people try to pressure them into doing things that they knew they shouldn’t do. What he is going to teach them, he says, is how to be assertive. The Narrator defines assertiveness, which has two parts: the first part calls for making a decision and the second part calls for carrying out that decision. The group discusses how religious beliefs, family values and traditions, age can affect decision-making, and local laws. The teen-agers see that even though decision-making can be influenced by many factors, most people hold similar views about right and wrong. Therefore, the decision that one must make is not based so much on KNOWING the difference between right and wrong, but on DOING what’s right and NOT DOING what’s wrong. They then see how peer pressure (anything from allowing yourself to be persuaded to go shopping when you should study…to cutting a class…to trying drugs) can be a potent force in decision-making. They also see that peer pressure can be positive and that all suggestions by peers should not be dismissed out of hand. The Narrator continues to discuss assertiveness to be sure that Jessica, Danny and Billy understand what it is they are about to learn. Through scenarios they see that assertiveness does not mean that one has to be aggressive, authoritarian, uncompromising or stubborn. Learning the Rules The opening sequence shows a group of friends who decide to play poker. One of the boys, Sam, does not like to gamble and tells his pals so, in a friendly way, to resist pressure to join the game without causing friction. The scene switches back to the Narrator who is explaining to Jessica, Danny and Billy that being assertive requires persistence—to match the persistence of those who are pressuring you—and fortitude, because resisting pressure is hard work. A resolute, confident attitude also is an important component of assertiveness. The Narrator then lists the three rules of assertiveness: 1. Be repetitious. Once you decide not to do something, say so over and over again. 2. To avoid or minimize the pressure to change your mind, cut off all conversation with the person who is trying to pressure you as quickly as possible. There are certain verbal “traps” that people unconsciously fall into which prolog conversation, instead of ending it. Following are some traps: --Answering questions that have no answers. (Questions such as “Why are you such a jerk?” or “Why are you such a chicken?”) --Defending your position. (You don’t owe anyone an explanation for what you believe is right.) --Trying to change the mind of the person who is trying to pressure you. 3. Don’t allow someone to pressure you by making you feel guilty or responsible for things you are not actually responsible for. A scenario illustrates each rule. The scenarios show teenagers under pressure by peers in a variety of situations: shoplifting; betraying an employer’s trust; conforming to a dress code; disobeying parental instructions; cheating on a test; cutting a class. • Tricks of the Trade In the opening sequence a girl asks a boy to steal some beer from his refrigerator to bring to a party that night. The boy puts her off with a cute, quick line that makes her laugh and gets him off the hook. The scene switches to the Narrator who will now teach his teen-aged companions some “little devices” for ending pressure before it begins. These devices, he tells them, allow you to stay out of trouble without drawing too much attention to what you are doing. Each “device” or “trick” is accompanied by at least one scenario to illustrate how it can be done. The devices include changing the subject; playing dumb; making a joke; and finding an excuse. Some of the situations shown in the scenarios are pressure to: lie for a friend; use a car without permission; leave a restaurant with paying. Then the group discusses another kind of pressure—pressure aimed at undermining your self-confidence. Whether it’s a “put-down” or teasing, this kind of pressure also can be handled by being assertive. Danny tells about someone who is always putting him down. The Narrator explains how to deal with this pressure. • When the Going Gets Tough Sometimes the need to resist pressure can be critical—especially in situations that are dangerous, threatening or illegal. The Narrator shows the kids how important it is to be able to recognize if a situation is dangerous or has the potential to become dangerous. He shows them how being alert and staying alert can help to avoid trouble. Scenarios illustrate the following situations: that saying no should always be your first line of defense (a boy refuses to drive with a friend who has been drinking); that an innocent situation can turn into something potentially serious in an instant (a disgruntled soccer player wants to vandalize the opposing team’s school); that leaving is an effective assertiveness skill (trouble breaks out at a party); that leaving is an effective assertiveness skill (trouble breaks out at a party); that making an excuse can sometimes be your only way out (a boy is offered marijuana at a party). The group then discusses the need to help friends who are in danger. The Narrator says that while assertiveness is a way of protecting yourself from trouble, it is not a recommendation for abandoning your friends. (In a scenario, Danny tells how he talked a friend out of stealing a car.) The Narrator says that you should do what you can to protect a friend in trouble, but not to the point of putting yourself in danger as well. If a situation arises that is beyond your capabilities, seek help from someone who can help—a parent, teacher or guidance counselor. • Questions for Discussion and Review • Getting Started 1. Define assertiveness and give an example of a situation in which you might make use of assertive behavior. 2. Behavior that feels right and acceptable to you will not always agree with others’ perceptions of right and wrong. List some factors that determine people’s beliefs about acceptable behavior. 3. Give an example of a recent situation you encountered in which you went along with a friend’s idea. Was it a good decision? How did you feel about it afterwards? 4. Using one of the skills learned, finish the following dialogue with an assertive response. (It’s two minutes before your math class when your good friend Matt passes you in the hallway.) Matt: Hey, Corey, you’re not really going to class are you? Mr. Ryan’s just going over that test we took, and knowing you, you probably aced it. We’re all heading out for a swim. Come on! The sun’s out! Tony’s found a prime swimming spot, and nobody should be around this afternoon to kick us out. Corey: 5. Matt didn’t buy it! Take it one step further and try again, this time using a different approach. Matt: Aw, come on…live a little, take a risk. Corey: • Learning the Rules 1. On the tape, the narrator said, “It really only takes two things to be assertive…” What two things was he talking about? 2. What kind of attitude is necessary to assertive behavior? (Remember how Sam helped himself out of playing cards with his friends.) 3. What is persistent repetition? Give an example of how it works. 4. The video gave three “traps” to beware of when cutting off conversation with someone who is pressuring you. Identify the “traps” Pam falls into the following dialogue. Can you find the one spot in which Pam does assert herself? Karen: You’re going to wear that ridiculous outfit? Pam: What’s wrong with it? Karen: What’s wrong with it? What’s right with it? Pam, do you know you look like an incredible idiot? Pam: I do not look like an idiot. I look terrific. Karen: Now I know you’re crazy. Listen, trust me, you look like a freak. Pam: Well, I like it and I’m going to wear it. And I certainly wouldn’t take your opinion about clothes too seriously, Karen. Look at that get-up you have on. Karen: What do you mean? This is what everyone wears. Pam: Exactly. You and your friends always wear your “uniforms.” You should all be in the Army. Can’t tell one of you from the other. I think people should try and be distinctive, not the same. It’s as if none of you had any imagination. Karen: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Pam: Sure you do. Why do you dress like that? Do you always have to look like everyone else? Karen: Why do you dress like that? Do you always have to stick out? Pam: I think if you had any courage or imagination, you’d stop trying to imitate everyone else. Karen: I think if you had any brains, you’d stop embarrassing me by looking like a human UFO. • Tricks of the Trade 1. The program gave ten devices for dealing with pressure from friends. What are they? 2. The narrator warned that making an excuse should be used only as a last resort. Why? 3. What is the assertive individual’s primary weapon or response approach to put downs or teasing from others? Why? 4. In the video, Andy talked Geoff into going canoeing for the first time. Give an example of how pressure from a friend had a positive influence on a decision you made. 5. Give an example below of both a good decision you have made and a bad decision. 6. Define aggression and explain how it differs from assertiveness. Give an example of aggressive behavior. • When the Going Gets Tough 1. If someone pressures you to do something dangerous or illegal, what should be your first line of defense? Why? If that does not work, what other option could you try? 2. Now put the shoe on the other foot and switch roles. When was the last time you pressured a friend into doing something? Was it dangerous? Did it work? What was the outcome? Can you recall any of the dialogue? Analyze your role, was it aggressive? Was he assertive? • Related Activities 1. Divide the class into small groups and give each group a situation in which they must brainstorm possible choices. Examples: a) A group of friends you are riding with decides to drag race with another car. b) You go with a friend to a party at a house in another town. Upon arrival, you realize (a) there are no adults present; (b) there’s a lot of alcohol around, and most everyone appears to have been there awhile; and (c) the party seems to be getting out of control—and the host is nowhere in sight. c) You don’t have a ride home and the pay phone just took your last quarter. 2. Choose one person from the group or class and give him a particular situation to respond to. The situation should involve some kind of pressure from friends such as: What might you do if you are riding in a car with a new group of friends and one of them lights what looks like a marijuana joint and passes it to you. Allow the rest of the group to respond to the decision made. How successful do they think it would be? Ask someone else to offer an alternative solution to the situation. 3. Present different types of behaviors to the class and have them collectively decide whether each is acceptable or unacceptable. You might want to give them a range; maybe one to ten in which one is a totally unacceptable behavior and ten is totally acceptable. For instance, where would they place: cheating on a math test, drinking alcohol, jaywalking, driving over the speed limit. You should be prepared with a wide range of behaviors. If the group is too large split them into smaller groups and afterwards, ask the groups to compare results. 4. Write brief dialogue passages in which a person uses assertive behavior. Or, find passages from books, videos or other sources you can think of. Have the group analyze the kinds of responses. Did the person use “Change the Subject,” “Persistent Repetition,” or another device? How successful was it? An alternative to this exercise might be to go back over the examples in this program. Stop after each one and allow the class to decide what technique(s) are being used. |
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